Midnight Psycho Babbles...

Life

2008-09-07T21:47:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really see life as a dread.
Sometimes it suffocates you to a point of numbness.
Sometimes you really feel so much inside with so many words you wanna say but you're just unable to piece them all together.
Or is that just my pride getting in the way?
Sometimes one really has to wonder... What's the point really?
What's the point of allowing people into your life just to see them leave over and over and over again?
What's the point of having memories when at the end of the day, it's these very memories that's haunting you and causing you pain.
Why do words keep ringing in my ears over and over again?
That voice... That face... The places... The feelings...
Sometimes I really wonder if anybody really know me or if anyone really cared.
Coz if they do... Then why are they always out to get me?
How is it that they just do it with such ease; digging my heart out and stabbing it over and over again with whatever sharp objects they can lay hands on.
Can't they see I'm human too?
So what if I don't like to show my weakness?
It doesn't mean I'm any less human, or does it?
Who's to know when I cry myself to sleep at night?
Who's there?
No one...
At the end of the day, it's back to square one.
At the end of the day, it's just me alone again.
So what's the point really?
They'll just leave.
Dump you like the trash.
Maybe that's what I'll ever be - that bag of garbage
Promises are just words,
Future's just an ideal,
Reality is painful.

Horrible People

2008-05-24T15:21:00.001+08:00

I'm sick of horrible people draining my energy.

It's tiring.

I'm tired.

Evil Little Dresses..

2007-10-19T22:02:00.000+08:00

When u see something nice tht u like, what do you do? If u said "buy it", tht would be the correct answer! So what if you happen to be a poor jobless soul like i am with little left in the bank, what would u do then? You brood! You brood and you feel sad about why you even have to brood over a dress, about why you can't use the money u have left. You start fantasising about how nice the dress will make you look, and about the occasions whereby the dress will come in handy.

Yes, i've bought 3 dresses in the last few months tht i havent had a chance to wear yet. Where am i supposed to wear dresses to anyway when the places i frequent spells the word DODGY out loud, packed with ah bengs or ex ah bengs who take a stab at singing but it's screeching i hear most of the time?! How am i supposed to wear my pretty little dresses to these places when weirdos are gonna eye me with tht "gee she's weird" look when in fact they're the ones with the inappropriate dress sense?!

So today happened to be a day tht a dress managed to catch my eye. I'm a fussy pot. In fact i'm one of the fussiest person i know when it comes to shopping, and it's a long process to pick out something i like. So what would i wanna do when something actually does? I think of buying it! One thing men really needa try to process into tht malfunctioned blob of squishy thingy in their heads is tht when it comes to women, it is never enough. 10 dresses, 100 dresses, 1000 dresses, it's never enough! Let alone 3. And why do we buy dresses? So tht we can look good for you! If you want us ladies to look like poop whenever we go out with you, it definitely can be done. But come on be honest.. Wouldn't tht be the time when you secretly start thinking about how good we used to look, and why God is so mean to make sucha horrible looking woman your girlfriend, and about the prettier, more attractive looking fishes tht will probably be swimming your way? Huh huh huh?!?!

You men are interested in gadgets; cars, play station, xbox, whatever crap tht you think make you look cool. We girls.. Well we just wanna look pretty. Or let least have the proper props to make tht happen when we feel like it. And since we're not fortune tellers, we can't foresee when we'll decide to look pretty and the occasion tht thought would suddenly make dinging sounds in our minds, we won't know what kinda dress would be appropriate when tht thought strikes. Tht is why we need versatility! We need variations! We need tons of different looking dresses in different colours to prevent us from suffering from wardrobe malfunction when the time comes! We wanna be able to strut out our doors feeling like a million bucks! We wanna have the right dress, the right shoes, the right bags within our reach so as to prevent making you men wait longer than you usually do!

It's already pretty damn tragic when a girl doesn't get to buy her pretty little dress. So when a girl says she needs to brood, it means she needs to brood, literally! Cut her some slack and give her time to grieve and start imagining about all the imperfections of the dress and how tht dress might actually not be tht nice, and she'll slowly give up and forget about the very existence of tht pretty little dress she once thought of buying. Do not, i repeat, DO NOT, go lecturing her about the measly 3 dresses tht she's purchased over the period of a few months! 3 dresses over a span of 10 months do not equate to over-indulging. It seriously don't! It's just like how a person who only start looking for toilet paper after he pooped only to realise there's none within his reach. Same theory. A girl doesnt wanna be in a situation when she needs a dress only to find out nothing in her tiny wardrobe is suitable. It really doesnt take much to try to understand the fact tht a girl just wanna look nice sometimes. Just a simple equation, really.

Anyways i've decided not to buy tht dress. Not because i don't think it looks nice anymore nor how imperfect it looks on me. But because you, YES YOU, deliberately decided to sleep when you're supposed to be here spending time with me! All these because of a dress. I sincerely, whole-heartedly, really really hope u're having a good rest. As for me, i'll continue brooding and thinking of tht dress in solitude. Thinking about it hurts noone.

Yet another old fart day.

2007-10-06T15:59:00.000+08:00

It's tht time of the year again. Tht scary scary day u had to go thru year after year. Tht day when u secretly wish the clock would stop one minute before midnight so you won't become a year older.

When we were much younger, we couldn't wait to grow up. To be able to make our own decisions. To carve a life of our own. But now.. I really wish i could go back and become tht timid little girl who never spoke up for herself. Life was simpler then. It was traumatising to be bullied all the time.. But it was simple. Growing up is scary. It's probably the scariest thing anybody has to go through.

It's always like this year after year. I get scared, feel consipated, butterflies in the stomach, heart feels as though it's gonna stop, get all sorts of mixed feelings. I remember there was a year i deliberately forced myself to sleep.. I slept the whole of October 7 away. I slept from 1130pm of October 6 all the way til 12.30am of October 8. Amazing isn't it. I know.. I know sleeping solves nothing. But to me.. Sleeping is some sort of escape. The great unknown ahead is scary. Sleeping is calming. You sleep, you dream, you're living in a whole other alternate world where only some of your senses come to life.

Growing up is scary. But i'm thankful, really thankful for the people who have been there. Urging me to celebrate this very scary day year after year, never ceasing to let me know tht it's my day and i should be happy and feel perfect. And i just wanna let these people know tht despite my exterior as an ice queen, i remember and appreciate and hold close to my heart every single act of kindness and love they have ever done for me. Old habits die hard. Especially those tht's stemmed from the days when you were a tiny little thing walking around with squeek shoes. Inadequacies had made it difficult to say tht simple thank you to people closest to me. But i always remember, i will always remember the little nice things, those little acts of kindness.

The Move

2007-08-21T03:29:00.000+08:00

The time has come for me to move again. Seems to be a yearly thing now. 3rd move in 3 years. I'm not a kid anymore so seriously there's no fun and excitement in moving anymore. Kinda sad actually. I miss my old house. Thot tht'll be the permanent house so i took the trouble to do up the lights, the shelves, unpack, added some personal touch to the toilet, frame up my giant jigsaw but oh wells... It feels somewhat like a break-up actually. Same logic isn't it? Putting effort into something tht becomes nuthing. Kinda like changing cars too. I remember feeling bloody sad when some guy came to drive my car away to be scraped. It's like losing an old friend. That familiarity u've come to know so well gets taken away from u by force. N i really really hate it!

Everything i need is here but it feels somewhat different. I feel bored, feel restless, i feel bloody uncomfortable. But i'm making do with situation. Guess it's just the art of getting used to all over again. And i bloody hell jolly well get used to it soon coz assignments are gonna start pouring in again. And if i stay uncomfortable, my muse won't come knocking, and if my muse don't come knocking, i'll die a miserable death.

So this is the story of my life now; Packed up boxes as a computer table and very very moodless.

Sinking.

2007-07-11T03:01:00.000+08:00

Different people have different things they're good at. I'd like to think of myself as a jack of all trades. But if i had to name out one thing that i think i'm particularly good at, it'll be talking to people, helping people with their problems, making people feel better about their situation. I'm pretty darn good at solving other peoples' problems but i can never get around to solving mine. I mean the best surgeons in the world can't operate on themselves when situation arise. Maybe there is some kinda weird cosmic balance. God probably thinks tht if i'm problem-less, i wouldn't be as good when i'm helping people. Kinda sucks if u ask me. Seriously.

What i seriously don't get is tht whichever road i take, or whichever method i employ seems to always be the wrong way. Whatever i do is wrong, whatever i think is wrong, i do things this way i get condemned, i switch to do things the other way i get condemned too. So which way to go seriously? Sometimes people should just state what they want from me. Because i'm rather clueless these days. Because i've had enough of experimenting all kinds of methods tht ended up failing me. Because i always had to be the one stuck in the rut.

WHICH WAY TO GO SERIOUSLY?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! ENOUGH OF MAKING ME FALL HARD ON THE CONCRETE GROUND ALREADY! ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH!!!

Sometimes it really makes me wonder if i'm just one of those unlucky souls who are not meant to be happy. Those sorry souls who end up alone with sad eyes tht tell of how much hurt they've experienced over the years. The kinda hurt whereby people pretend they understand n know exactly how it feels n then try to relate n recount their own experiences when in fact no one freaking understand!

Seriously, when i say i dislike talking bout certain things, it's for a good cause. For example, maybe coz i wanna start things off with a freaking clean slate! CLEAN SLATE! BLANK SLATE! TABULA RASA! Which means no comparison whatsoever! No how did u do things back then when tht happened or what did u do with the other situation. This is me. ME. N as far as i'm concerned this is the me tht anyone needs to know, not the me 2 years ago, not the me 5 years ago. Just me now.

too smart for our own good.

2007-06-23T13:45:00.000+08:00

Finally! Finally some time to myself with nothing to rush for, nothing to worry about. The last 2 weeks had been hectic. Hectic and boring! Listening to lectures after lectures and trying to squish in whatever information into my very used and pitiful brain with the hopes that the trauma of the Australian lecturers' voices would not turn me into an anterograde amnesiac.

The good thing bout studying psychology, however, is the nonsensical fun facts tht are drilled into our brain involuntarily. Like how Quinnie deem me as a little mammal coz i sleep so much or how i think i'm suffering from Korsakoff's Syndrome or premature dementia for my less than perfect memory. All in all, exams for this sem's officially over and i can only hope for the best. Really just wanna get it over and done with. So please God just let us pass. Just a pass will do! Amen.

a case of ultra mood swings

2007-06-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

BEING AWAKEN BY LOUD SCREECHINGS HELP NOT!
BEING DISTURBED WHEN I TRY TO GET THT LITTLE REST HELPS NOT!
LISTENING TO CONTINUOUS NEVERENDING 12 2HRS LECTURES HELP NOT!
2 EXAMS BACK TO BACK NEXT WEEK HELPS NOT!
LOOKING FORWARD TO A WEDNESDAY WITH MY BF THT NEVER EVENTUATE HELPS NOT!
BINGING AND EATING TIL MY STOMACH IS CLOSE TO BURSTING OPEN HELPS NOT!

NOTHING HELPS!

Grumpy Old Hag

2007-03-21T17:19:00.000+08:00

After 1000000000 months since i've moved in to my new house, i've finally gotten around to clear tht remaining 2 boxes tht had been collecting dust over the month. I spent my entire Monday rearranging my shelves, drawers, and what not, to accomodate the nonsense tht i kept buried within those boxes. Amidst my very busy Monday afternoon/night, i also found time to squish a baby cockroach. Gross!

Holidays have been over for close to a month now, and the reality of school, of assignments, of attending boring useless lectures, of having to see people i do not wish to see in school, have finally started to sink in. Thinking of it makes me depressed. We attend 6years of primary school to get our PSLE cert, 4/5years to get our O' Levels cert, 2/3years to get our diploma/higher diploma, 2.5/3years to get a fucking degree. However short these 2.5/3years might seem as compared to the 6years of primary school or the 4/5years of secondary school, it sure as hell feels like the longest time of my life. After this semester, i'll be down to my last 4 modules. So near yet so far. It almost seem as tho i've been doing my degree for my entire life. The assignments.. Those poop assignments, trying to fulfil the darn word count, those sleepless nights doing "research", those nights when i'm actually able to sleep i get nightmares of my assignments and i wake up in shock. Can't for all these to be over. Whoever said a slacker undergrad don't feel all stressed up? We, slackers, just choose not reveal how much we're actually panicking. We "fake it til we make it". We just pretend and act all calm bout everything, and trick our minds bout how calm we are, when our minds are tricked, we feel abit more calm. Somewhat like a twisted version of "false consciousness". We create a sorta false consciousness to better our well being.

When all these is over, i'm gonna go get me a job. I don't care what job. Just as long as it pays me my money. When tht time comes, i won't hafta walk into nine west, see a bag i like, but hafta part with it n put it back on the shelves coz it cost 200 over bucks. I won't hafta work poop jobs tht require me to be under the sun begging retarded rude women to do surveys tht are as retarded as they are just to earn those extra bucks to save, so i won't hafta worry bout not having money when the time comes to buy presents or go on holiday. My life isn't all tht bad really, but it really isn't a bed of roses either.

I think when i become old, i'm gonna be one of those grumpy old women tht sit at coffeeshops, like a predator waiting for its prey, just ready to pounce on and scream and yell at whichever poor soul tht crosses their paths.

Am in a grumpy mood. Grumpy grumpy! Time to go blast my music and screech at the top of my lungs til my neighbors' windows go clang and tht old man staying across of me won't even dare to look over anymore.

The illogicality of... Love.

2007-02-26T03:11:00.000+08:00

The Lake House.. A story bout how two people who are separated by a time frame of 2 years, fall in love, and end up together despite the odds tht are against them. This was a show i really really wanted to catch during its initial release, but dropped the idea of watching it cause most people around me who caught it said it was boring boring boring. I finally watched it today, with no expectations whatsoever, and i found it to be a reasonably comforting romantic movie. The happy ending, although a little too abrupt, brought closure to the show. However, The Lake House, i believe, would have been more memorable should it have ended with Keanu Reeves' death. The tragic twist of fate would definitely bring tears to the eyes of the many sentimentalists out there. But i love happy endings! So this movie pretty much worked just fine for me.

"There could have been no two hearts so open... No tastes so similar... No feelings so in unison..."

I supposed i'm just one of those who believes more in seeing for myself. Not only in terms of movies, but for the many other things life throw onto our laps too. Different people conceptualise different things differently. And it often helps to see for yourself how good or how bad something can truely be. As it turns out, this is the one show i think i'd really enjoy watching with Mr Boyfriend. Which we almost did! But blame it on my lousy cheena piang brand dvd player!

I always enjoy a good love story. Especially one tht has a happy ending. They kinda give u a very comforting and heartwarming sorta feeling. They make u wanna think back on all the nice things tht happened in your own relationship. And how truely wonderful it is to have finally found each other.

Although the plot of The Lake House might seem a little far fetched to some, it might even appear somewhat illogical to those who eats and breathes logic; considering how it's totally impossible to be corresponding to someone living 2 years ahead of u via a magical mailbox. It is afterall a love story, and love itself is illogical.

Love itself is magic. When it hits u, it'll just hit u with no warning. And u won't even have the time or want to think of the whens, whats, whys, or hows. And even if u wanna think of all the whens, whats, whys, and hows, u'll find yourself never deriving at an answer. Because love needs no answer. U laugh, u giggle, u smile to yourself like a silly cow thinking bout him, u just wanna cuddle, and cuddle, and cuddle somemore, u start missing them the moment u kiss goodbye, u look forward to every single thing u can possibly do with him, and it never seizes to amaze u from time to time how u're both really really together, and perhaps u'll then start questioning yourself how is it possible tht u feel so much for him, and he, too, asks u why u love him, but there is never an answer. And it's good to have no answers as answers would only diminish the magic tht love contains.

And just in case u're still wondering bout all the whens, whats, whys, and hows, i'll just say its everything. It's everything in the heart and what the heart feels tht cannot be put to words, and it's everything bout u. It's everything tht hits u all at once and u just can't get enough. U can never get enough. It's never boring and it never will be. And then u come to realise tht bliss and contentment has just fallen upon your lap, and completeness is just lying beside u.

It's just...... Magic.

bored at work!

2007-02-21T09:32:00.000+08:00

It's currently bout 9.30am. Just 1hour after i started work, 3hours more til lunch time, 7 1/2hours more til i end work. I'm so bored i feel like pulling all my hair out one by one and count to see how much hair i actually have.

The office is pretty empty today. Seems like alot of pple had taken leave so they'll have a longer chinese new year break. I'm sooooooooooo tired! It sucks to wake up so early! I'm going home tonite to have my 12hours sleep.

OK a lady just came and passed me a pile of robotic mundane job to finish. Shall update more when i'm home.

I dream of being on a cruise with my other half in May.

Time for War!

2007-01-25T10:51:00.000+08:00

In a few hours, it'll all be over! Yay Yay Yay! It has certainly bogged me down in more ways than one over the past week!

I haven't had a wink of sleep the entire nite and i'm pretty darn amazed at how my brain hasn't malfunctioned on me.

After reading my reader the entire nite, i'm beginning to think communications is rather perverse. Men fighting in Fight Club can be epitomized as a sexual act between 2 men and entering the portal to be John Malkovich can be described as an act of rape, and when a group of people enter the portal at the same time, it is considered gang rape. Boy oh boy. Whoever came out with the module screen "fucking" theories must be one hell of a sexually deprived horny motherfucker.

Anyways, off to meet my doom!

Nightmares: The worst of its kind

2007-01-24T02:25:00.000+08:00

Have u ever woken up in the middle of the night in shock, feeling totally unnerved, heart racing fast, mouth dry, cold sweat, teary eyed, and having a headache so bad u feel like u've been hit by a truck, literally? That kinda sleep is probably the worst kind anyone can have.

I went to bed roughly bout one and a half hours ago feeling moody and dragging another poor soul down with me. It's always like tht when exam's around the corner. I beat myself up, being stressed up, when i don't even know tht i'm stressing myself up. As tho acting as a defence mechanism, i'll just shove the fact bout my exams one side, not even wanting to think bout it. Everything would appear to be absolutely fine on the surface, and i'll be feeling absolutely fine. And then the disturbed sleep will start, the nightmares will start, the headaches will start and the crankiness will just follow suit. To think i thought i'd be able to sleep til bout 8am. I guess tht's wishful thinking on my part.

It's nightmares after nightmares and i'm sick of it! First it's being trapped at a cemetery i can't get out of, then it's horrible horrible blood and gore, and today, today's one was the worst ever. I woke up asking myself if it indeed happened.

In my dream, i was lying on my bed, talking to the boyfriend on the phone. Talking bout i can't remember what, and then his mobile rang. He answered, spoke to whoever the hell called, hung up, and then told me tht it was his ex girlfriend and this Tania girl and they were downstairs his house. And then i exclaimed, "WHAT? What's so important tht it can't wait til tomorro?" And then he said he doesn't know and tht he was going down to find them. So fine. He went and i waited for his call, which never came. So smart aleck me decided to drive over to his place only to find out tht ALL 3 of them had adjourned up to his place. He came down to find me. We had a row and i don't know how one of his friend popped out beside us out of nowhere. Quarrel, quarrel, fight, fight, he was shouting at me at the top of his lungs asking me why the hell i went over for. Considering the fact tht i haven't witnessed my boyfriend's angry side yet, tht moment was pretty darn scary and upsetting. And i was crying, and i was crying, and then i cried somemore. And his friend which popped outta nowhere just stood there and did and said nothing. The shouting and the crying went on for quite awhile. The shouting ceased immediately when the 2 girls appeared, and my boyfriend was smiling from ear to ear like someone has just informed him tht he's struck toto, and the crying girlfriend was forgotten and became invisible. The dream went on with me standing there, still crying, watching them talk and joke and what not and my boyfriend totally didn't care. And then i woke up.

Noticed how vivid tht dream is in my mind. It's fucked up i tell u! FUCKED UP! This kinda nightmare is the king of nightmares in my dictionary. I fucking hate it! It's seeing what u don't want to see most acting out right before your eyes and the whole heart sinking feeling tht your boyfriend don't give two shits bout whether anot u're gonna cry til your eyes pop out is just horrible. Horrible Horrible Horrible!

I'm having a bloody headache now. And i just don't wanna think of whatever fuck shits anymore. It'll be all ok after 36hours. No more headaches, no more nightmares, no more waking up a million times while sleeping.

This CCB screen theories fuckcrap is gonna drive me to my grave!

Periods.

2007-01-19T05:23:00.000+08:00

Why do women menstruate? Seriously. I'd really like to know. It's sucha chore being a female sometimes. It's really not much fun to be bleeding on a monthly basis if u get what i mean. It's cramps, cramps, mood swings, mood swings, MORE mood swings! Why can't men be the ones who bleed, get pregnant, and give birth? The world would be a better place, really really. Like seahorses! I think female seahorses are very happy creatures. And instead of giving birth, we can maybe take turns to lay eggs. Tht'll be alot less painful and our tummies won't needa be as big either. Or maybe women can have penises. Or perhaps both men and women should have penises. Tht way noone will have to bleed, noone will be experiencing cramps, and noone will ever suffer from mood swings! If i was studying to be a scientist, i'll definitely conduct a research to improve the unfair anatomy of a woman. Definitely definitely. But too bad for myself and the billions of women out there, i'm a psych and comms student. Psych and comms only teaches its students crap. Thus, i only know howta talk crap and bullcrap my miseries away.

I'm currently suffering from a mild case of mood swings. The frustrating kind whereby my fists are itching to punch something. I'm beginning to think tht getting a punching bag would be a good investment since i'll use it at least once a month. Unless of course i get the other kind of mood swings; the sad and feel sorry for yerself kind. But tht's easy to settle since we're living in a society where every household should have plenty of tissue to spare. However, should some unforseen circumstances take place and my house ran outta tissue, i can easily run over next door, to the neighbours tht i haven't spoken a single word to, to borrow some tissue, which i'll return after i'm done with it.

I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE I DON'T LIKE!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!

Ok. I'm feeling muchhhhhhhhhhhh better now.

Same Old Brand New Me.

2007-01-18T05:59:00.000+08:00

It's amazing what u managed to find stashed away in the dark, dusty corners of yer unpacked boxes. While digging out my arty farty supplies the other night, i found my 1999 diary. I read thru every single word of the old pages just now for one last time before i tore it to shreds and dumped it in my bin.

There were 2years worth of diary entries; Early 1999 to Mid 2001 where i begun my journey to hell to have coffee with satan himself for 4years.

Mann i was just an innocent 17years old convent girl. And everything revolves around stupid boys, getting drunk, parties, who's angry with who, and who's bitching bout who. Some things have changed since, while others remained the same. For one, i pray to God tht i have at least wised up a little. Reading thru the pages annoyed me. I was thinking to myself if i was indeed tht pathetic, stupid, little person writing all those bullcrap. Making the same mistakes over and over and over again and slinking into some kinda major melodramatic depressions over retards. Oh wells, what didn't kill u only makes u stronger. It's all ancient history now; Ancient history tht's shredded to pieces, and tht's all it's ever gonna be.

Well i supposed some things just never really changed. I realised my sleep-in-the-day-awake-at-night routine has been with me for a long long time, my handwriting's still pretty much the same, i still hate making decisions sometimes, and drawing flowers had been a norm since years back. No wonder the flowers i draw all look so pretty. I've had many years of training and experience!

Anyways, found these 2 quotes amidst my very nonsensical entries. I think it was lifted off some story book i was reading back then, and found it to be rather meaningful.

Falling in love is like getting hit by a large truck and yet not being mortally wounded. Just sick to your stomach, high one minute, low the next. Starving hungry but unable to eat. Hot, cold, forever horny, full of hope and enthusiasm, with momentary depressions that wipe you out.
Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what's happening. It's inevitable. An event you can't control. A crazy heart-stopping roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course.

The best love stories are often those tht "just happen" when u least expect it to, without any signs or warnings, like getting hit by a monster truck yet not knowing what happened, like getting pulled in all different directions. Finally u start plunging from somewhere very very high and take the very very scary fall.

The "Un-Scrabble" Boyfriend.

2007-01-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

My boyfriend's apparently not much of a scrabble player. He resigned when there's still 59 tiles left and after tht complain bout how his eyes hurt. All in all, it was a funny, as in literally funny, experience seeing how new and unknown words were formed on the board. I suspect my boyfriend might be secretly intending to create a new version of the english dictionary in the hopes of it being accepted by whatever organisation or association tht approves new dictionary versions.

Nevertheless, it was a good first attempt going against the literati queen. Lemme give u a nice pat on the back! =)

Everyday's a holiday with you.

2007-01-15T03:34:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how time flies. Week after week went by. And now it's less than 24hrs to our very first benchmark. Everyday in the past month holds a tale. Each day is a different memory, a different meaning of its own. Everyday's just as precious, as special, and as memorable.

From purple lighter, to yellow lighter, to green lighter.
From i'll never fall in love with u, to being head-over-heels.
From no ribeye steak and no pig kidney, to one mouth of hokkien mee, to last piece of mutton.
From smoking in the cold, to crazy drunken boyfriend who dint allow me to puke, to the 5mins-per-stop shopping.
From loud burps, to the don't-touch-me pukes, to him farting first thing in the early morning.
From attempting to confiscate my ruffles, to confiscating my popcorn.
From obligations, to unobligated.
From nice jetty sea breeze, to scary shitass kentridge trail.
From sandwiches, to potato salad, to ruffles and ice-cream cones full of love.
From endless daily conversations, to utterances while asleep, to variating rhythemic snores, to violent reactions.
From Hot-N-Desirable, to Cold-N-Unwanted.
From him nagging, to him nagging, to him nagging somemore.
From Eragon, to The Holiday, to Blood Diamond.
From Boon, to Bi, to Bee, to Babe and Baby.
From 8 Below, to Boo, to The Nun.
From experiencing complete satisfaction, to Operation Embarass-My-Girlfriend.
From first class playboy, to world class boyfriend.
From him waiting in vain, to me standing by him.

So many, many things tht i hold dear to my heart. And it's really hard to believe it's only been a month.

Thank you. Thank you for an amazing, amazing month. Thank you for all the times we've shared. Thank you for all the memories we've created. Thank you for everything.

You fill my life with laughter, somehow u make it better, ease my troubles tht's what u do.

I'm gonna go hit the books now. So later at 7am, i get to say "Hey baby, not only have i been thinking of you all night, i've also studied til 7am." And then i'll deserve a nice pat on the back.

The Dogs.

2007-01-13T05:25:00.000+08:00

Year of the Dog

according to astrohoroscopes.com

- Personality -

You have an honest and courageous nature, ready to fight for a worthy cause or to defend friends in trouble. You are sensitive to others and empathize with them, particularly if they have suffered an injustice, reacting quickly with the same feeling, as though you had been personally offended. Your friends value this trust and loyalty, and know that you can be relied upon to keep a promise or remain cool in a crisis. It is rare for you to betray a confidence or withdraw from a commitment.

When you are told a story or hear of an event you need to know all the facts, and are dissatisfied if you fell you have only been given half the story; but it is precisely this search for the truth that can make you over-critical. You feel it is your duty to point out weaknesses - no out of spite, but because you feel honesty is the best policy. There are many times, however, when your advice is welcomed and your enthusiasm appreciated. You can inspire confidence without being forceful, and you are not usually misled by appearances nor preoccupied with the superfluous.

There is a pessimistic side to your character and your spirit is drained when you hear of situations beyond your control, such as natural or human disasters. You sometimes find the world overwhelming and need to withdraw from crowd to a quiet place where you can mull over these worries. You want everything to work out in the best possible way and are anxious about the potential problems that may befall you or those around you. Try not to exhaust yourself thinking about problems that have not yet materialized. There is no doubt that have a strong sense of duty and responsibility, but at times you need to relax and realize that it is impossible for you to shoulder every burden.

- Love -

You are a good listener and encourage your partner to share their problems, but when it comes to revealing your own feelings you are more reticent, wary of burdening others with your worries.

You need reassurance and encouragement, and enjoy the company of someone who has the confident and adventurous spirit that you sometimes lack. You are faithful and tender but it is important to you that your loyalty is reciprocated. You do not enjoy the excitement of the chase or thrive on jealous scenes, and when you feel isolated you soon become anxious and reserved. It could also take a long time for you to regain your trust once you have been hurt or deceived.

You may find it easier to form a friendship first and let it slowly develop into a romance, but once committed you are loving and faithful and will not be slow to defend your partner's reputation. Do not be distressed by imaginings caused by an incidental remark or unintentional criticism when you already know that the relationship is established on firm foundations.

- Career -

You can be relied upon to act responsibly, and can be trusted with sensitive information. You need to have a clear sense of the job description and its final aim but once sure of your role, you are a dedicated and steady worker. Avoid aggressive and competitive occupations, as these will only make you nervous; focus instead on work that enables you to build trusting relationships with other people.

You are a conscientious colleague, and once you have made a commitment you fulfill it to the best of your ability. Although you can be hesitant - particularly if you are faced by a sudden deadline - you work well as a member of a team, but are also an accessible leader. You like to keep the peace with your colleagues, but you are not afraid to stand up in defense of a good cause and will work tirelessly on behalf of others. You are suited to a career in education, law, social work or research. You would also be a good teacher, doctor, counselor, campaigner or member of a religious order.

Got Hit By A Truck In My Sleep.

2007-01-09T18:20:00.000+08:00

I woke up this afternoon and i felt like poop. U know those times when u get out of bed and it feels as tho u woke up from the wrong side of the bed and your mood just go down south, u just don't feel like talking, don't feel like doing anything, don't feel like seeing anyone, just wanna keep to yourself, and every song that u listen to seem a little more tragic than it usually is, everything u think about contains 100% negativity, and u begin to wonder if u're gonna frown yourself to death? Yea that's pretty much how i feel in the last 2hours since i've been awake.

I supposed when too much hormones are released into your system, it causes mass destruction to your moods.

Go away mood swings! I don't like u!

New Beginnings.

2007-01-04T04:19:00.000+08:00

2006 has officially taken flight. It's now 2007. New year, new beginnings.

2006 has somewhat became a blur and i can't remember most of the things tht took place. Well, i'd say the best part of it all is tht i dint miss the countdown for both christmas and new year's. Can't remember when the last time was when i welcome the new year's with a special someone. I remember tht i was in a cab stuck in a jam when 2005 went and 2006 came. So i'll hafta say 2007's been good to me so far. The moment somewhat froze during the first few seconds of 2007, when u're looking at someone smiling and he's looking back, smiling at u, tht feeling is what i'd refer to as priceless.

The trip to malaysia was pretty interesting. For one, i found out how incredulously crazy my boyfriend can get when he's had too much to drink. Not a very pretty sight i must add. But apart from tht, it's all good. When a couple goes on holiday together, it'll either bring them closer or tear them apart. They tend to notice certain traits and details bout each other tht they don't take notice of usually. They'll realise if their relationship is one tht's boring or one tht's gonna be alright, whether both parties have anything in common with each other, or whether both parties are able to have good conversations with each other. After 4 very intimate days with my boyfriend, my psychic radar signalled to me tht this relationship is gonna be ok. Although we went on this trip with more than 10 other friends, we were pretty much "in our own world" most of the time. And i very much hate the fact tht i'm back in "South Africa". It's the 2nd nite tht i've been back and i still feel weird tht he's not here. Bloody hell! I wanna go on holiday again! Preferably to somewhere cold. Cold is good.

Anyways, i don't usually bother making any new year resolutions, BUT think for this year, i told myself tht i'm gonna be a nerd. We'll be running our last lap for this boring race. Fellow Ideafuls, let's all be nerds for a year! No more handing in of assignments late and i promise to try not to miss any lessons and i promise to try to wake up and not pretend i'm awake and go back to sleep and i oso promise to try not to draw any flowers in my books. Can't wait to just get the cert and just fuck off from the studying world. Studying is bullcrap and thinking bout it gives me a headache!

Reflections.

2006-12-28T05:37:00.000+08:00

Was thinking bout things for awhile. I supposed some things gotta change.

When looking at things from a certain perspective, i think i'm majorly flawed. For starters, i'm short-tempered. Once i snapped, i get extremely angry. When i get angry, i'd usually purposely say harsh things to people tht i most of the time do not mean. And then very often, i'll regret. But because of my pride, i'll always think doubly hard before apologising. It's like a horrific chain reaction. Not forgetting my stubbornness, impatience, pig headedness, and aggressiveness, for the finishing touch. Sometimes i don't even know what my good points are anymore. I understand tht a leopard never changes its spots, but i guess it's time for some spots to start fading a little.

Thruout these 24years, i've made some mistakes, some errors in judgment, some unpardonable wrongs, and plenty of regrets. I used to think tht i'm never wrong, but i guess i'm not all perfect.

A certain issue arose lately and now i'm thinking if i was in the wrong. Cause if i was indeed the one at fault, i'll gladly, ok maybe not very gladly, but i'm willing to swallow my pride and apologise. I don't like mind games. I prefer confrontations. If someone's displeased with my demeanour or certain things i've done, i'd seriously rather they confront me about it, than to bitch behind my back, or worse, think tht my boyfriend should learn to control me. I'm not a dog. I need not be restrained or controlled or what not. Besides, i think confrontations are by far the more honourable way of resolving issues. However, if anyone, ANYONE, wishes to rage war with me, i'd say bring it on! See what i mean when i say i'm aggressive. Hmmmm why do i feel like i'm somewhat contradicting myself? Tsk Tsk! I think tht my brain has been thinking of too many things all at once lately tht it's lost control of which way to turn. Kinda like an overstuffed turkey.

ANYWAYS, lemme save myself a little by saying i can be a very peaceful person...... Most of the time. And i'm usually can't-be-bothered. But i can't help feeling defensive when i feel tht it's a personal attack. And this i feel is a personal attack. One more wrong move and i'll ready my bowmen with their bows and arrows, some men to fire off the trebuchets and catapults, and perhaps some fire spewing dragons flying overhead to further dramatise and complete the entire scenario. Haha!

On another note altogether, i'd say all's been good so far. If this carries on, i have the strangest feeling tht i'll be seeing the new mister for a looooooooong looooooooong time. Tht's of course, if he decides not to carry out the plots and schemes he thinks about everyday of howta be mean to his girlfriend and starts ill-treating his very, very frail and fragile other half. Lol!

Me Misssssssssssssssssssss Him Muchie Muchie!

Gloomy Rainy Day.

2006-12-27T02:20:00.000+08:00

I wanted to be a good girl and go to bed early. And when i almost fell asleep, my mum hadda barge in my room AGAIN! I can't even remember what she was rambling about. I've mastered the art of shutting my ears. And now i can't sleep. How nice!

It's been a gloomy rainy day. I'm feeling gloomy. I'm tired. I can't sleep. I'm just gonna stone myself to death.

Love Cookies.

2006-12-22T04:30:00.000+08:00

I baked cookies! Mannn tht's just so not me! BUT he loves it and he appreciates it! So all the sweat and oily face, the rushing til i have no time to eat, smoke, or drink water, the beating of traffic, did not go to waste. It's all gooooood and it's all worth it!

Of course i hafta thank Lala and Mon for helping! Geez man if u guys just left me to die there alone, i think i'll really die!

If this is just a dream, i hope i will not wake. Just living and reliving the moment. Just hanging by the moment, indulging in the infinite sweetness of this honeymoon period. I hope it never ends.

Fucking Mood Swings!

2006-12-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

I'm having mood swings! Very very bad mood swings! Very very very bad mood swings! KNNBCCB! It's irritating the shit outta me i swear! This month has been the worst month of the entire year (of coz, apart from the fact tht my boyfriend and i got together this month). I'm broke, I'm jobless, I got no new dresses for christmas or new year's or wad not. Basically i'm just broke. Dead broke! N the fact tht i have a humongous ego, i don't want my boyfriend to be worried and i dun wanna use his money. "I'll solve my own problems, i always do" i told him. N solve i will. But before the problem is solved, i can't help but feel extreme annoyance!

He asked me to go set up a chicken rice stall with him. And since i can't cook for nuts, he'll cook n chop the chickens, n i'll take charge of packing the chilli, sending the plates of chicken rice to the respective tables, n i'll have to wear the ugly pouch to collect our earnings. But chilli is smelly, so i'll have to reconsider his offer.

For some unknown reasons, thinking of him warms my heart. How i wish he's here with me now on this cold, lonely, dreadful, mood swinging night.

The New Chapter.

2006-12-17T06:01:00.000+08:00

Let me just pour my heart out.

A new chapter has begun. Out of nowhere and very very very sudden indeed. To be honest, i'm still in shock. From being single, to saying things i forgot, to kissing a friend, to tossing n turning at nite, to being unofficially attached, to being officially attached - all within 2 weeks!

Although everything happened in a flash, i hope tht this new chapter will not fast forward like how it began. We've gone one full circle. First time i saw him, i thot he was cute, but i was his friend's girlfriend then. Ha! I broke my own rule; never to be with an ex boyfriend's friend. Damn! It's really like a whirlpool of different emotions. Happy, scared, scared, scared. OK! Yea I'm pretty damn scared. Get burnt again and i'll be jaded beyond repair. Can't afford to let tht happen.

After being messed up over the last 2 times, i've somehow forgotten howta be a girlfriend, howta give my all, howta not be wary and cautious. But i sincerely and whole-heartedly cross my fingers and hope tht this new chapter will not be a short one. It's only been a day. Time will tell...

Weeeeeeeee~!

2006-12-16T07:39:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a done deal!

Unless of course, he forgets or i forget. :)

Love Actually.

2006-12-14T04:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes things are so transparent, they don't need evidential proof.

It's starting to scare me, really.

Remembering. Not remembering.

2006-12-11T02:32:00.000+08:00

U know those nites when u can't sleep and when u close yer eyes, images start floating around like a movie acting out right before yer eyes? Today's one of those nites. I'm tired but i can't get to sleep. Kept thinking and rethinking bout last nite, trying to recall what was it i said, but to no avail.

Alcohol really screws u over sometimes. When i have too much to drink, it seems as tho i become a whole other person. I become chattier, and totally unconscious bout my behaviour. I become Miss PR of the year with no prohibitions and never once do i think of consequences when i'm fucked. 'Cept tht there's always consequences. Sometimes i wonder if its becoz im sucha "principled", careful person in my un-drunk state tht all hell breaks loose when my evil twin takes over whenever situation permits.

Mannnnnn! This sucks big time! Totally quitting alcohol would be pretty darn impossible. Life is already as boring as can be. Without the occasional alcohol would be not living at all. I gotta regain control of myself. Gotta start managing my high again. 3 consecutive weeks of memory loss is really no fun at all! I'm always the sober one so please can someone tell me what's happening to me! :(

I hate not remembering what i said! Hate hate hate hate hate! HATEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

The Mundane Life.

2006-12-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

Discovering phytoplanktons with the queen.
Rude, honky tonkish mini bus drivers who taught me never to give way when i drive.
Cursing and swearing and endless waving of "wtf" hand signals at imbeciles on the roads.
Bedridden at home with cough, cold, fever, food poisoning.
Job interviews with companies tht do not wanna hire the poor girl.
Temporary memory loss over drinking sessions with the crazy drinkers.
Deluded ex-boyfriend who thinks i wanna get back with him.
Trying to find something to look forward to but kept ending up with none.
Trying to find a job so i may have the resources to do something tht i would look forward to but noone would hire me.
People who kept reminding me im not getting any younger think i should start worrying bout my current single status.
Bruises after bruises on my poor legs.
Squished up, tortured toes due to uncomfortable pointy shoes.
Iced Mango Tango tht simply tastes like yucky milk.
Wanting to jump into the screen to slap Tenacious D's actors.
Still struggling to find a highly satisfying movie to escape to.
World Trade Centre was pretty damn lousy.
Flags of our fathers slightly satisfying, but not the best i've seen.
Decided never to watch movies like Saw III ever again.
Monash still withholding cognitive psych results which has been stressing me up and harming my complexion BIG TIME!
Finding out tht i might be migrating.
The queen asked who am i migrating with, i told her with my "spouse". And yes yes, not forgeting my FIVE KIDS! Aidan, Ashley, Anjelica, Nameless 1, and Nameless 2.
Boring wedding dinner.
Boring shopping trips.
From endless cravings of delicacies to having no appetite at all.
Beginning to wonder if i was an assholic guy in my last life coz tht might be a rather reasonable explanation to why im failing so miserably as a fragile female.
Pretty damn contented with my current single status most of the time.

S T O R Y O F M Y M U N D A N E L I F E. A M E N.

Car Washing Bangladeshi Worker.

2006-11-29T14:21:00.000+08:00

I got up early this morning, stoned for abit, fiddled around my room for abit, got bored, and decided to give me car a shower!

I washed and dried and polished my car all by myself! HAHA! My very first car wash and i think i did a damn good job!

Look how it sparkles! Like a diamond in the sky! LoL!

However, my poor hands suffered some repercussions..

Compare the 2 hands.. What do u notice?

When i was done with my car, one of my hands was as swollen as a baboon's backside! Fat and stumpy fingers! Think it was some kinda allergic reaction to the detergent or what not.

All in all, it was a job well done!

*Gives myself a pat on the back*

Life.

2006-11-24T11:06:00.000+08:00

If your life was a movie, would it be a good one?

Nice tagline isn't it? I was just thinking.. If my life was indeed a movie, what kind would it be? Is it gonna be a tragedy, or a comedy? Whichever it is, it's prolly gonna be one with tons of voiceovers for the million and one things I think about everyday.

They say tht the music u listen to reflects the kind of person u are.. I listen to sad songs, songs bout love lost and broken hearts. Ha! Guess tht the songs I listen to are rather symbolic. For some strange reasons, I never saw myself as a happy person. Guess I've focused too much on the pessimistic side of things over the years tht I'm not really opened to seeing the possibility tht something good's gonna come my way.

Life is just one treacherous cycle after another. Same old mundane routine day after day.. U eat, work, study, eat, sleep, wake up, eat, stone.. U love, get hurt, cry, move on, love, get hurt again, cry tons again. In my honest opinion, not loving seems like the smartest way to go. I sleep alot.. And at weird times.. Sometimes it's coz I really can't get to sleep, other times it's coz I'm trying to beat this mundane routine called life. If u know the next day's gonna be the same old shit, why be awake throughout the day? At least when u sleep, u get to dream.. And each dream is a different story.. If my life was a movie, it'll be one where I'm seen lying on my bed alot.. With tht bubble thingy always appearing acting out the dream of the night.

My life as a movie would be a tragedy.. Been a crybaby when I was young. I guess no matter how tough u try to make yourself to be, the gloomy side persists to stay with u. Not sure if this tragedy would be good enough to make people cry, but I sure as hell cried buckets in the midst of its production.

Not sleeping has aided me to indulge in some senseless babbling. Guess its time I go accompany my bed for abit before I have to head out for some retarded 7bucks per hour interview.

Toodles fellow earthlings.

Random Ramblings.

2006-11-17T04:00:00.000+08:00

Uninspired. Unmotivated. Bored outta my mind. Can't sleep. Frustrated.

I'm in a hair pulling wall punching sorta mood. Instead of just showing him my fist and asking him if he wanna get punched, i should've landed my fist on tht guy who was dancing disgustingly around me last night. Tht might've helped me release some of these pent up frustration and i might be able to sleep better at night.

I needa go get myself a punching bag or go sign up for some violent sports, martial arts thingy, or go continue learning taekwando and take gradings with those short, puny beings, also known as kids.

I'm frustrated, very very very very very frustrated! And i have no idea why! Hate it when i wanna sleep but i can't get to sleep. Tossing and turning is frustrating. Being awake at 4.05am when i needa be up by 9am is frustrating. Life is just one frustration after another.

Yea. I'm an angry person. And my usual angry girl music seemed to have lost its mood mellowing effects on me.

It's all about the little things.

2006-11-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

More often than not, people tend to focus too much on all the big issues happening around them day after day tht they start neglecting and overlooking the little things tht mean as much as, if not even more, than those mundane big issues. Look around u, people. Look at all the things tht u have to be thankful for. For all the nice food u eat, the nice clothes u wear, for all the beer u drink, and all the people tht had been there or will be there for u when u fall. All the little things tht people do for u, all the little things tht had been bestowed unto u.

An ex-boyfriend used to always say tht he doesn't bother bout such small things each time i complained bout how he forgot bout our anniversaries. I'd then say "by not bothering bout such small things would only mean u bother bout big things. How often would people needa do big things for people? It's the little things tht count, the little things tht are most meaningful, the little things tht make beautiful memories." Of course, he turned a deaf ear to what i said. Good thing he did too, otherwise, getting over him wouldn't have been as easy.

I was just thinking the other day, trying to reach a conclusion as to why it was so difficult for me to let go of my other ex-boyfriend. He was just as heartless and as un-thoughtful as the others. And then i realised, it was because of all the little things we do together. Cooking, washing dishes, watching movies, conversations after conversations, setting up fish tanks, buying all the small, colorful fishes, walking the dog, and the likes. He would be the one guy i'd probably still be with if he isn't such a bastard. Cheating on me and breaking my heart time after time. I dreamt of him the other night. It was one of those kinds of nightmares i used to always have when i was with him. Those of him cheating on me. And it's very puzzling and disturbing for me to dream bout something like tht now since we've been separated for close to 2years. And then it dawned on me tht it's probably because i've slowly came to forgive the misdeeds he commited. My sub-conscious was probably warning me not to slip again. And slip i won't. Forgiving a person and being civil to a person who has caused u hurt is easy, forgetting the hurt tht had been inflicted upon u is hard. And i supposed in this life, i'll never forget how miserable and helpless i was during tht period. I'll never allow myself to be tht weak again.

OK back to the little things. Little things do not have to be expensive. U just needa be thoughtful and sincere. Sincerity can be felt and will usually be remembered for a long long time. So try it some time soon, boys and girls! Perform the little acts and screw the excuse bout doing some big shit! It's really not tht difficult to bring smiles to the faces of the people u adore.

Suffocation.

2006-11-03T00:01:00.001+08:00

The more i study, the stupider i get. It's true! And i'm just suffocating inside. I simply don't understand why my mind goes blank when i'm in the exam hall. My anxiety level has reached its peaked and i feel like just banging my head against the wall as hard as i can so the stupidity that seemed to have infiltrated my brain will be forced out along with the blood that might also be gushing out in the process.

My decision to do my degree is probably the stupidest, most expensive, time wasting decision i've ever made.

I'm going bonkers, thus i'm going to sleep.

Goodnight, fellow miserable comrades. May the force be with us.

Rich Girl, Poor Girl.

2006-10-29T04:45:00.000+08:00

When one describes herself to be living comfortably in a big house, owns a car ever since she's able to drive, dresses herself in average or above average brands of clothing, not having to worry bout keeping her stomach full, would she be deemed as being rich? And when this same girl starts contemplating bout life's trials and tribulations, bout how difficult life gets sometimes, bout all the unfairness tht befell onto her, the miseries, the heartaches, what would be the first thing tht come to peoples' mind?

Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?

Symbols of wealth are afterall just objects, objects tht might vanish before one's eyes at any given moment. And who's to know the difficulties and pain behind maintaining the stature or the efforts one took to get this far. Thts why i'm pretty damn proud of my dad. Starting from scratch and climbing higher and higher over the years. And only God knows how difficult it must have been or still is for him. I'm happy for him tht he's fulfilled his dream of designing and overseeing the building of this dream house of his. And i can only thank my dad and my lucky stars to be living in comfort all these years.

People must not take for granted the comfort tht has been bestowed onto them. Life is full of ups and downs and u'll never know what might happen in the coming future. To me, it really doesn't matter where i stay. Be it a house, an apartment, or a flat. I'll be contented as long as i have a place to sleep, to eat, to stone. Just please don't make me share room with my sis. Loud, nonsensical music is really damaging to my poor eardrums and my temper doesn't agree too much with it either. Angsty teenage girls.. Tsk Tsk Tsk!

I particularly hate it when people deem one as rich just coz one has associations with some of these "objects" tht symbolise richness. I am not rich. I have nothing to my name. No properties, no cars, no money. And its really not true tht whatever i want, i'll get. I do not ask my parents for money to go on shopping sprees. I survive on the allowance thts given to me on a monthly basis, no more no less, and i go shopping with whatever money i earn from miserable part time jobs. I do not squander money away by buying super expensive things and i'd usually make full use of my possessions till they can no longer be used. Even when things are spoilt, i'll get them fixed, and continue using them till they are beyond repair. Hell, my school bag is torn and tattered, and falling apart, yet its still my one and only. So, rich little pampered princess or not, i'll leave u to do the judging.

Parents' wealth never ever equate to daughter's wealth. I believe in carving my own future, thank u very much. So until i make it on my own, with a pigsty thts under my name, a tuk-tuk tht i can call my own transport, some buckeroos in my bank account, then ya all have the right to say i'm rich.

Till then, its just gonna be me. Not a rich girl, not a poor girl, just a simple girl who puts question marks on peoples' faces with crazy remarks sometimes. We're all equals.

Money Makes the World Go Round...... NOT!

2006-10-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

I detest.. Absolutely absolutely detest guys who think that way! Think what?! Got money big fuck ar?! Got money then girls will come flocking.. Ya! Brainless, mindless, cheap, materialistic girls will come flocking! And sorry mister! I wouldn't care how freaking loaded u are! Even if u're as loaded as Bill Gates, u ain't getting no Miss BooHooHoo~ over here! Stupid mentalities, stupid guys!

I loathe them egomaniacs who think the world about themselves or how their opinions overrule others'! I loathe them egomaniacs who think with money, everything would be within their grasp! I loathe them egomaniacs who think they have a right to comment on others' way of life and imply that there's a problem with other people's way of life and nothing wrong with their own! I loathe them egomaniacs who make insensitive, tactless remarks about others! I loathe them egomaniacs who are ever so fucking shameless!

Miss BooHooHoo~ does whatever the hell she wants at whatever time she pleases and no one, NO ONE has a right to comment or criticise the way she's living her life! Whether or not she sleeps alot or sleeps very little is of no concern to anyone! And just to set the bloody record straight, sleeping at 4pm and waking up at 10pm is not considered as sleeping alot! A normal person sleeps for about 8hrs. Miss BooHooHoo~ only slept for 6hrs. That's 2hrs lesser than that of the duration a normal person sleeps!

It's amazing how getting to know a person better can change one's perspective of that person. From Mr Nice Guy to Mr Motherfucking Egotistical Piece of Shit.

Well hello Mr Motherfucking Egotistical Piece of Shit, don't dream it's over!

Dosvidaniya~!

The Moral of the Story is......

2006-10-25T09:41:00.000+08:00

I've always believed in the saying "honesty is the best policy". Still do til today. Of course the times when i lied bout going to chalets are exceptions. I'm sure everybody did the chalet lie at least once in their lives. I'm steering more towards aspects like feelings, intentions, opinions and the likes.

When people are nice to u, how would u know if they are nice just because they are simply nice people or they just wanna be nice to u or is it because of some hidden agendas? Just like when people are mean to u, are they really just mean people to go all out to be mean or are there reasons, explanations, behind their shitty behaviours?

When i say honesty is the best policy, i really mean honesty is the best policy. No matter how good a liar a person is, the truth always manages to find its way to the light. Just like how audiences are always able to pinpoint the villain in a movie, people are also able to tell a good soul from a bad one.

My advice.. Always stay true to yourself and the people around u. Stand upright, shoulders back, chest out, and do things the proper way and not be sneaky. If it's yours, it's yours. Gaining something via the unscrupulous way would only mean losing it in the end.

Fade Away.

2006-10-22T20:32:00.000+08:00

My mind's been pretty blank the last couple of days. My muse has once again decided to bail on me. So all that's left are the random babblings.

People would always like to think of themselves as good people. Those who think of themselves as bad people are prolly the ones who want to be bad. No man is naturally good or bad. It's the path one choose. We all have the freedom to choose.

Very often, people are unaware of how much impact their decisions or their words will have on others. Sometimes that impact would be one filled with smiles and gratitude and other times it'll be one with disappointments and regrets. Man are created in such an absent-minded way that they usually do not consider about consequences until something happen. And when disappointment occurs, regret comes into play, and the word "sorry" usually come soon after. However, what people failed to learn about is that the word "sorry" doesn't mean no shit at all. People just take for granted that the person they've inflicted pain upon would be alright and all jolly again after awhile. That they'll forgive and they'll forget. So what happens when one has reached a decision to not be forgiving?

Friends friends friends.. U've hurt me much. Forgive me if i'm being difficult now. Just wait for the angry cloud to pass. It'll pass.. It always does.

Nicks-

2006-10-17T00:17:00.000+08:00

A friend once told me tht if i compile all my nicks, it'll be as thick as a dictionary.

Hence, i've decided to do a compilation here. Will edit as time goes by. Guess it'll be something interesting to look back on.

- if u dunno me, u prolly never will.
- ve is wery hardvorking people!
- too little too late.
- fade away.
- i sleep alot or sleep little got yer problem huh?! tamade!
- one more wrong step and i'll personally shoot u down.
- distorting the truth is never the way to go.
- we stick together.
- some things are built to last, and some things fall apart.
- seeing double.
- between a student and a pregnant woman, i'd rather be a pregnant woman.
- the last fight.
- i attract weirdos.
- the mundane life.
- do not test my patience.
- im dying.
- gimme back my un-pregnant status! now now now now now!
- darn it! i lost my queen!
- lighter thief.
- damaged.
- im penniless, jobless, n my results are still withheld! god damn it!
- took my heel and made achilles outta me.
- my grandma says i have a very bad temper. very bad meh?!?!
- just gimme a P n i'll be eternally grateful n i promise to nerdify myself next sem on.
- sometimes things are so transparent, they dun need evidential proof.
- toss n turn. toss n turn. i cant sleep! fuckkkkkk!
- yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!! im a happy girl!!
- no tossing n turning tonite pls!
- fly away.
- my friend thinks im turning lesbo -.-
- 16 December 2006.
- tigress.
- mood swinging tigress.
- its all done. i can sleep well tonite.
- "i'll never fall in love with you, i promise!"
- if u have a fucking problem with me, say it to my fucking face!
- make love, not war.
- wah piang i cannot fucking sleep again!!!!!!
- extremely extremely annoyed!
- insomniac.
- back to reality.
- im gonna grow fat n unmovable.
- the arty-fartiness in me has vanished without a trace.
- speed demon.
- he hallucinates bout me asking him to get out of the car. its all in the mind. tsk tsk.
- i do not sleep all day. i only sleep half a day.
- think happy thoughts.
- i say FUCK U BACK!
- obligations take the meaning out of the act n render it meaningless.
- useless cold heater.
- fat n ugly, cold n unwanted.
- u can now order cheeseburgers using an atm machine.
- my boyfriend, the lousy scrabbler.
- the glittered sky.
- u never know where chemistry strikes.
- from then til now.
- here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy. - the nightmare.
- stressed up kid.
- the most hardworking last-minute lazy ass.
- one day i'll drive a monster truck n run over all the taxis.
- all about loving u.
- ice-cream breakie.
- sick sick sick sick sick.
- the receptionist.
- im dying from boredom! dying dying dying!
- stepping on my tail is something noone should attempt to do right now.
- gimme my results now now now now now!!
- honey, who's gonna pick up the kids?
- if u truely want it to work, u'll find a way.
- somewhere only we know.
- clocks tht cost 8 bucks are unreliable.
- annoy me not.
- in the end i wanna be standing at the beginning with u.
- the way to understand love, is to experience loss.
- sometimes, u bog yerself down with things u know u shouldn't bog yerself down with.
- full-time monstrous girlfriend.

Real Life Fairytale

2006-10-16T10:35:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching "the perfect man" and i'm absolutely satisfied! I'm a bonafide teenie bopper love story addict! They're so easy to watch and they always have happy endings. Kinda gives u hope, hope tht there's something good out there.

If i'm ever gonna settle, i'm not gonna settle for anything lesser than a perfect man and a real life fairytale.

The end.

The Single Girl

2006-10-15T03:37:00.000+08:00

I'm kinda enjoying my life as a single girl now. I don't see the need to be in a relationship, I don't see the need to go on dates, I don't see the need for anyone to be attracted to me. I like the carefree, non-relationship-related-stress kinda life that I'm leading now. I get to do whatever the hell I want everyday, wake up whatever time I deem fit, and I need not fit my schedule to suit another human being. My life revolves around solely me now and I'm loving every moment of it!

Today was a happy day. I don't know why but I think I was really happy today. Doing random things and sharing a few laughs with good friends really made my day. Sometimes it's the simple things in life that truely make a difference. I like being happy and I liked today. I like how we bought beautiful flowers for our darling missy, I like the dress I bought from our darling missy's shop, I like mos burger's milk tea, I like watching a nice movie that featured the cutest baby ever, I like the silly things and comments that my friends come up with sometimes, I like hanging out in arcades to shoot ass.

I like being single and I like my current simple life. And I'm not gonna let any guy into my life anytime soon to upset the serenity of how things are going. I don't want a boyfriend and I wanna be single.. At least for awhile more.

DSM IV - Level 2 - Mental Retardation

2006-10-13T15:41:00.000+08:00

Look at that.. Just look at that!! The amount of kibbles that I slept with last night.. And even with all those materials, I'm still finding it extremely impossible to complete my overdued report!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!! Dear old Mr Stroop is making my life a living hell!! >:(

RED RED GREEN BLUE GREEN RED

BLUE BLUE RED GREEN BLUE RED

GREEN BLUE RED RED BLUE BLUE

BLUE GREEN RED RED GREEN RED

BLUE BLUE GREEN RED RED BLUE

The Stroop effect that was first experimented by Ridley Stroop in 1935 examined the difficulties people experienced when required to name the ink colour against a contrasting colour name. I managed to grasp the concept fairly well but am still unable to complete the darn report and it's driving me up the wall!! I feel stupid and I think my brain is currently undergoing a stage of mental retardation!! Boooooooo!!!!!!

Word Vomit.

2006-10-10T17:18:00.000+08:00

I first heard this term in "Mean Girls". Word vomit occurs when one starts babbling and spews words tht was never meant to be spewed out. And once what's said's been said, one can never retract those words. And tht's when guilt and regret will come take u for a ride.

Ever since my explosive nature has taken a back seat, I haven't really said things to intentionally hurt anyone for awhile. And then yesterday nite happened. The supposedly dormant volcano in me underwent a mini explosion. I have no idea if it's the stress from all the work i'm supposed to finish or had i been imploding so much over the days tht some negativity had to be released. And yes, i feel bad. In fact, i started feeling bad bout 2hrs after the mini explosion. I'm retarded like tht sometimes.

Friends.. Probably the second most important group of people in most peoples' lives. Maybe i'm still living in my idealistic world but to me, friends do not bitch bout each other. Friends should not resort to name calling but instead discuss bout whatever unhappiness pleasantly and peacefully and sort things out there and then. Friends will be there to lend a hand or a listening ear whenever one is needed. Friends should not make friends feel uncomfortable on their birthdays.

Hell man! I'm not perfect. I'm as flawed as anyone in this world is. I'm not the most thoughtful person this world has seen. But if any of my friends ever need help, they should all know tht i'll be there. I'll be there to listen and i'll be there to beat up whoever they need to beat up. Tht's the way i show i care. I'm not into saying mushy things all the time. I'm so not the mushy things type of person. I'm just the type of friend who will be there. I'll always try to be there whenever anyone i call my friend needs help, no matter what time is it or where they are. If tht's not being a good enough friend then so be it.

For now, i'm just gonna leave everything as it is. Just let the guilt trip run its course and let the matter rest for awhile. Too many things i needa get done now and i've got no more strength to ponder and harp on issues tht i cannot single-handedly solve.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2006-10-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

Time flies and I'm another year older. I'm officially a member of the infamous old fart club now. Tragic! Simply tragic! Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk.

- Miss Directional Idiot -

2006-10-04T14:56:00.000+08:00

Not only am I a directional retard when I drive, I'm also a full blown directional retard when I take bus. Think I oughta just go bang my head against the wall and die! No matter how many times I remind myself that Bus No.12 doesn't stop outside my house, I'll somehow still stupidly board that damn bus thinking it'll take me home. What the hell is wrong here huh?!?! And coz of my stupidity, I had to walk 3 times more than I actually had to just to get home!! 3 times more of the original distance under the hot sun!! I was sweating like a pig!! Not only that, my very old and seasoned slippers decided to blister my poor feet. I was limping all the way home due to the discomfort my stupid slippers was causing, grinding and rubbing against that darn blister! Oh, and I tripped and nearly fell! Imagine the kinda embarassment I'd be facing if I actually did fall. I'll just go find some hole and bury my head there and get someone to dig it out when the coast is clear. Stupid Stupid Stupid!!!!!! I want my car la!!!!!! When the hell is my car coming?!?!?!?! BooooooooHoooooooHooooooooo!!! >:(

Nerdify Me!

2006-10-04T08:09:00.000+08:00

Crap! I really wish I'm a nerd in times like these! At least nerds always submit their assignments on time. If I'm a nerd, I wouldn't be facing this problem tht I'm facing. I needa get my overdued assignment done and my brain has given up on me. How how how how how!!!!!! I think I'm pretty much screwed!

On Love and Relationships...

2006-10-03T05:56:00.000+08:00

Despite being the non-believer that I am of relationships, I'd still like to think of myself somewhat as a strong believer of love. No doubt, the two go hand in hand together. Only difference is I guess.. U can never have a proper functioning happy relationship without love, but u can have loads of happiness and love for everyone around you, and yourself, without needing to be in a relationship. Sounds like another senseless babbling? I have a feeling this is gonna be a post filled with contradicting viewpoints anyways. Trying to straighten out some overdued thoughts.

To me, I feel that love is all things good and beautiful. It makes u feel things that u never ever thought u'd ever be able to feel. It's magical. It brings out the inner strength in u and lifts your entire being to new heights u never thought existed. Love teaches u to care, to genuinely care for another living, breathing being, to the extent that u'll somehow find yourself caring for that being more than u care for yourself. There's always this amount self-love that everyone have for themselves and it varies from individuals to individuals. However, the day will come when u begin to feel u love someone else more than u love yourself. That when he's hurt, your heart shatters, when he's happy, u'll find yourself happy too, when he's angry, u'll find yourself furious at whoever that has incured his wrath. And when that day comes, that's when u find yourself truely in love.

Relationships.. I find relationships to be somewhat evil. Relationships hurt people. It break hearts. But that's just me. Maybe I'm just jaded. Just tired of trying and retrying, of putting my entire heart into something that's never meant to last, of relinquishing my place in that "special someone's" heart to girls who just pop out of nowhere, of being forgotten, of being erased. Yea nothing ventured nothing gained, u win some u lose some. I'm just so tired of losing all the time and so tired to have to mend that shattered heart of mine that others seem to take pleasure in shattering, hence I made the decision to not even try anymore. Not for awhile at least. I just don't think I can find that strength, that strength to give someone the love he deserves, that strength to give someone anything anymore. My heart feels like its an empty shell. All that's left of the once alive and beating heart are just scars of the distress its been through and the battle wounds that never seem to heal.

Often I try hard to derive on a logical explanation to account for all my failed relationships and I'll start questioning myself if it was me, if it was all my fault, like maybe I didn't give enough or maybe it was my temper, my stubbornness or my impatience, like maybe I just wasn't good enough. I just needed to know, needed to know why or how I've failed so miserably time after time. I need to know why is it so hard to be happy. Why is it that even tho when I've done everything as best as I could it still didn't make a difference. Why is it that despite all the efforts I've put into the relationship, it doesn't seem to mean anything to them. And how is it that I can be so easily replaced. With just a snap of the finger, I'm out of the game, and u see them strolling into the sunset with their new found loves. I need answers, need reasons to justify the hurt that I've been through and no one seem to be able to provide me with any, not even myself.

Relationships are just reasonless games. U make the choice of which mindless idiot u want to be involved with. U make the choice of how much of yourself u want to give to that mindless idiot. U make the choice of whether or not to give your entire heart to that same mindless idiot. By looking at things this way, I guess I'm the biggest mindless idiot in this reasonless game. I made the choice to not hold anything back, I made the choice to love wholeheartedly, and thus, I made the choice to get my heart broken. Ironically, I guess this is the best explanation. The only way i know how to love is to love wholeheartedly, otherwise I feel there's no point in loving at all. Love itself deserves to be glorious. And only when u give it your all, then can u walk away from a broken relationship with a clear conscience and no regrets. I know I've done my best and there's no other way for me to do it. A relationship takes 2 hands to clap. And if the other hand doesn't wanna clap with u, there's really nothing u can do to make it reciprocate. Ultimately, it all relies on compatibility and how much 2 people are willing to compromise.

OK, everyone wants someone to love, and someone who loves them. But that is not to say that there's something strangely wrong with your life if u're single! I'm single for Christ's sakes, so are countless other people living on earth! I, for sure, don't see anything distinctively wrong with my life just cause I'm single. I'm just leaving things in the hands of God and putting my love life at the back seat for awhile. Being single is nothing bad. I get to breathe, get to concentrate on myself a little more, do a little soul searching every now and then, let my heart heal for abit and get it prepared for another few cracks that might occur somewhere in the not so distant future. Being single is far better than being attached just for the sake of being attached. I don't want no Toms, Dicks, or Harrys. I seek for that little bit of perfection amidst all the imperfections of life. And I'm so not gonna get into a relationship just cause someone happened to take an interest in me or just for the sake of companionship. I want someone whom I feel comfortable with and who feels comfortable with me. Someone who I can have conversations after conversations with and never run out of things to talk about. Someone who adores me and whom I adore just as much. Someone who cares. Oh.. And I need that jittery feeling too. As much as 24 years of living on earth has made me realised the non-existence of fairytaled relationships, of prince charming, of knight in shining armour, but I guess a little bit of jittery can't hurt. But of course, u can't have your cake and eat it too. It's inevitable to have one or two qualities lacking. No one's perfect..

Alright, I think I'm beginning to write rubbish. Somehow or rather, my jumbled up thoughts kinda enlightened me a little. Feels like a huge load lifted off me. I can breathe proper now. On a lighter note, however, I guess relationships aren't that much of a bullcrap afterall. It's the way people complicate things which made relationships bullcrappy. Sooooooo.. I wish all the couples out there all the best in compromising, accomodating, and keeping the love alive. And I wish all the singles luck in their pursuits of their happily-ever-afters.

...The End.

- The 'F' Word -

2006-09-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

Just by its sound, it can describe Pain, Pleasure, Love and Hate.
In Language, the word 'Fuck' falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a Verb
Both transitive:- John Fucked Mary
And intransitive:- Mary Was Fucked By John
And as a Noun:- Mary Is A Fine Fuck
It can be used as an Adjective:- Mary Is Fucking Beautiful

As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of Fuck. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses.

FRAUD
-I got Fucked at the Used Car Lot
IGNORANCE
-Fucked if I Know
TROUBLE
-I Guess I am Fucked Now
AGGRESSION
-Fuck You
DISPLEASURE
-What The Fuck is Going on Here?
DIFFICULTY
-I Can't Understand This Fucking Job
INCOMPETENCE
-He Is a Fuckwit
SUSPICION
-What The Fuck Are You Doing?
ENJOYMENT
-I Had a Fucking Good Time
REQUEST
-Get The Fuck Out Of Here
HOSTILITY
-I Am Going To Knock Your Fucking Head Off
GREETING
-How The Fuck Are You
APATHY
-Who Gives A Fuck
INNOVATION
-Get A Bigger Fucking Hammer
SURPRISE
-Fuck You Scared The Shit Out Of Me
ANXIETY
-Today Is Really Fucked

So u see.. The heavy usage of me using the word 'Fuck' is not because I'm a vulgar person, but because of the versatility the word 'Fuck' encompasses. :)

Negative Energy...

2006-09-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

I just remembered tht an ex-boyfriend once told me tht i ooze out negative energy.. Sounds odd huh? LOL! OOZE.. Isn't tht word more appropriate when used on skunks? I mean.. Cartoons always depict skunks as some sorta creatures constantly oozing out their pungent fart smelling green gaseous thingy or whatever u call tht. So i guess tht comment my ex-boyfriend made prolly made me an energy oozing human being.. Interesting! Not just any kinda energy.. But! Negative energy! Oooooohhh! Anyone freaked out yet? Well at least i've found a new outlet to ooze out this energy so no one within a 10ft radius of me will suffer the effects of whatever possible toxicity my constantly oozing negative energies might contain.

If by being honest, i'm oozing out negative energy, then fine, i guess i'm guilty of tht. I'm not tht cynical little prick just loitering around and waiting to burst peoples' bubbles. Being honest is far from cynical. I guess i'd like to look at myself as tht honest little angel tht brings people back to earth. More often than not, people tend to cling dangerously close to their deluded little paradise thts far far far away from reality. People live in their make believe worlds, practice selective hearing and plant in their minds false memories to make it seem as tho their lives are perfect. But are these constructions really enough? Ultimately, constructions are constructions.. Nothing but empty shells.. And it's just a matter of time tht these empty shells crack. So tell me, who's gonna break the falls of these poor souls when their little paradise come crumbling down? Even if u wanna help make their falls a little less painful, would u actually be able to do it? They'll still hurt! U may be able to provide them with hours and hours of companionship but at the end of the day, they'll still hurt like mad! So why not feed them with slices of truths once in awhile to keep their reality in check? Wouldn't tht be better?

Of course don't expect anyone to thank you when u're bursting their little bubbles.. Afterall, reality bites and truth hurts. However, ultimately, wouldn't u be more satisfied with yourself tht u've helped show the bigger picture to someone u care about? Seriously man.. If i don't care bout a person, i wouldn't give two shits bout whether anot he/she's freaking deluded. The person can go rot in his/her little paradise for all i care. No i'm not cruel.. I'm merely being honest. And i just don't wish to see anyone i care about suffer in the aftermath of some make believe world they've created. So if anyone ever catch me saying certain things tht are not so pleasing to the ear, it's not me oozing out negative energy, but me caring.

Behind every face, there's a story...

2006-09-24T03:27:00.000+08:00

So what's my story really? Is it a happy one or one tht's tragic? I often tell people tht i'm a good person. But am i really a good person or do i just wanna believe tht i truely am a good person? Life is full of ambiguity. I guess u can never really be just one thing. It's like how i always say.. I'm happy but i'm also sad or how i always smile but deep inside i'm actually infuriated at the person i'm smiling at.. Doesn't make much sense i know. And its kinda weird.. Like how when i'm actually outside with people, i actually feel as tho i'm really happy almost all the time.. But times like these, when i'm home, i'm stuck with this really really burdened heart. It's like there's this thing buried deep within my heart tht's been trying to get out.. But i can't seem to figure out what it is. It's frustrating and suffocating, and i feel it's sucking the lifeforce outta me.

I'm not a happy person. I try hard to be one.. But i don't think i am one. Maybe i was happy once.. Maybe i'm just jaded now.. Maybe i'm just making things complicated for myself.. Maybe maybe maybe.. There're so many maybes tht sometimes it makes people not know which way to turn. Guess this verse from one of Avril Lavigne's songs kinda sum up how i feel when i wake everyday.. "I wake up in the morning, Put on my face, The one that's gonna get me, Through another day, Doesn't really matter, How I feel inside, 'Cause life is like a game sometimes" Maybe they're really right when they say people who take psychology usually have some sorta unsolvable problems themselves. Maybe i take psychology to try to understand why i go thru these depressing craps from time to time. Maybe i thought of being a psychologist coz since i can't help myself become a happier person.. I might be able to help some other unfortunate souls with their problems so they might become happier people. It's really no fun being unhappy.

Midnight psycho babblings.. Tht's all this is.. Troubled girl trying to sort out her thoughts when the world is asleep. Not even sure if any of these make sense. Don't really care actually. Typed so much crap and i'm still feeling like poop! Darn! This is really getting serious and not going as planned. Just what the hell am i feeling poopy about.. I really wonder. Til the next poopy entry...............

When i was just a little girl.. I asked my mother what would i be......

2006-09-16T23:06:00.000+08:00

Mannnnn the different things tht I've thought of doing.. Lets see.. I wanted to be a policewoman, a prosecutor, a pathologist, a teacher, a stewardess.. Then I thought of signing on to be some army officer or what not.. Then, I had this bright idea of buying a plot of land, making it into some funky coffeeshop and just sit at home, shake legs and collect rent til someone told me that coffeeshops are all owned by the government hence I realised the bright idea of sitting comfortably at home, shaking my legs and waiting to collect rent isn't tht bright of an idea afterall.. :( OK.. Then I thought of being a psychologist.. Well at least I've shown some progress in tht one since I'm currently doing a major in psychology. But nahhh.. the thought of having to study til I'm bloody 30 isn't exactly all tht fun. Soooooooo I guess I'm just gonna be a non-psychologist with a psychology major! How fun! Yay Yay Yay!

One of those moods again...

2006-09-12T18:32:00.000+08:00

OK.. Lets see.. My very first post in my very first blog. Hmmm.. Feels kinda weird. Sorta like I'm writing a letter to myself. I'm in one of those retarded moods again.. With nuthing to do at home but too lazy to go out.. Just listening to songs all day and I got reminded of all sorts of things.. Mostly the bad things from my haunting past. And it suddenly dawned on me that I've wasted so many years of my precious youth dwelling and stressing and feeling sad over things that seriously don't even matter anymore. Memories... Memories are usually something people hold on to but somehow I really wish some of my memories would disappear. Ha! Damn my erratic mood swings! One minute I'm lying in bed, laughing my head off at this korean series and now I'm feeling like this.. I'll be ok in awhile.. When something or someone make me laugh out loud again.