Evil Little Dresses..

When u see something nice tht u like, what do you do? If u said "buy it", tht would be the correct answer! So what if you happen to be a poor jobless soul like i am with little left in the bank, what would u do then? You brood! You brood and you feel sad about why you even have to brood over a dress, about why you can't use the money u have left. You start fantasising about how nice the dress will make you look, and about the occasions whereby the dress will come in handy.

Yes, i've bought 3 dresses in the last few months tht i havent had a chance to wear yet. Where am i supposed to wear dresses to anyway when the places i frequent spells the word DODGY out loud, packed with ah bengs or ex ah bengs who take a stab at singing but it's screeching i hear most of the time?! How am i supposed to wear my pretty little dresses to these places when weirdos are gonna eye me with tht "gee she's weird" look when in fact they're the ones with the inappropriate dress sense?!

So today happened to be a day tht a dress managed to catch my eye. I'm a fussy pot. In fact i'm one of the fussiest person i know when it comes to shopping, and it's a long process to pick out something i like. So what would i wanna do when something actually does? I think of buying it! One thing men really needa try to process into tht malfunctioned blob of squishy thingy in their heads is tht when it comes to women, it is never enough. 10 dresses, 100 dresses, 1000 dresses, it's never enough! Let alone 3. And why do we buy dresses? So tht we can look good for you! If you want us ladies to look like poop whenever we go out with you, it definitely can be done. But come on be honest.. Wouldn't tht be the time when you secretly start thinking about how good we used to look, and why God is so mean to make sucha horrible looking woman your girlfriend, and about the prettier, more attractive looking fishes tht will probably be swimming your way? Huh huh huh?!?!

You men are interested in gadgets; cars, play station, xbox, whatever crap tht you think make you look cool. We girls.. Well we just wanna look pretty. Or let least have the proper props to make tht happen when we feel like it. And since we're not fortune tellers, we can't foresee when we'll decide to look pretty and the occasion tht thought would suddenly make dinging sounds in our minds, we won't know what kinda dress would be appropriate when tht thought strikes. Tht is why we need versatility! We need variations! We need tons of different looking dresses in different colours to prevent us from suffering from wardrobe malfunction when the time comes! We wanna be able to strut out our doors feeling like a million bucks! We wanna have the right dress, the right shoes, the right bags within our reach so as to prevent making you men wait longer than you usually do!

It's already pretty damn tragic when a girl doesn't get to buy her pretty little dress. So when a girl says she needs to brood, it means she needs to brood, literally! Cut her some slack and give her time to grieve and start imagining about all the imperfections of the dress and how tht dress might actually not be tht nice, and she'll slowly give up and forget about the very existence of tht pretty little dress she once thought of buying. Do not, i repeat, DO NOT, go lecturing her about the measly 3 dresses tht she's purchased over the period of a few months! 3 dresses over a span of 10 months do not equate to over-indulging. It seriously don't! It's just like how a person who only start looking for toilet paper after he pooped only to realise there's none within his reach. Same theory. A girl doesnt wanna be in a situation when she needs a dress only to find out nothing in her tiny wardrobe is suitable. It really doesnt take much to try to understand the fact tht a girl just wanna look nice sometimes. Just a simple equation, really.

Anyways i've decided not to buy tht dress. Not because i don't think it looks nice anymore nor how imperfect it looks on me. But because you, YES YOU, deliberately decided to sleep when you're supposed to be here spending time with me! All these because of a dress. I sincerely, whole-heartedly, really really hope u're having a good rest. As for me, i'll continue brooding and thinking of tht dress in solitude. Thinking about it hurts noone.

Yet another old fart day.

It's tht time of the year again. Tht scary scary day u had to go thru year after year. Tht day when u secretly wish the clock would stop one minute before midnight so you won't become a year older.

When we were much younger, we couldn't wait to grow up. To be able to make our own decisions. To carve a life of our own. But now.. I really wish i could go back and become tht timid little girl who never spoke up for herself. Life was simpler then. It was traumatising to be bullied all the time.. But it was simple. Growing up is scary. It's probably the scariest thing anybody has to go through.

It's always like this year after year. I get scared, feel consipated, butterflies in the stomach, heart feels as though it's gonna stop, get all sorts of mixed feelings. I remember there was a year i deliberately forced myself to sleep.. I slept the whole of October 7 away. I slept from 1130pm of October 6 all the way til 12.30am of October 8. Amazing isn't it. I know.. I know sleeping solves nothing. But to me.. Sleeping is some sort of escape. The great unknown ahead is scary. Sleeping is calming. You sleep, you dream, you're living in a whole other alternate world where only some of your senses come to life.

Growing up is scary. But i'm thankful, really thankful for the people who have been there. Urging me to celebrate this very scary day year after year, never ceasing to let me know tht it's my day and i should be happy and feel perfect. And i just wanna let these people know tht despite my exterior as an ice queen, i remember and appreciate and hold close to my heart every single act of kindness and love they have ever done for me. Old habits die hard. Especially those tht's stemmed from the days when you were a tiny little thing walking around with squeek shoes. Inadequacies had made it difficult to say tht simple thank you to people closest to me. But i always remember, i will always remember the little nice things, those little acts of kindness.