Same Old Brand New Me.

It's amazing what u managed to find stashed away in the dark, dusty corners of yer unpacked boxes. While digging out my arty farty supplies the other night, i found my 1999 diary. I read thru every single word of the old pages just now for one last time before i tore it to shreds and dumped it in my bin.

There were 2years worth of diary entries; Early 1999 to Mid 2001 where i begun my journey to hell to have coffee with satan himself for 4years.

Mann i was just an innocent 17years old convent girl. And everything revolves around stupid boys, getting drunk, parties, who's angry with who, and who's bitching bout who. Some things have changed since, while others remained the same. For one, i pray to God tht i have at least wised up a little. Reading thru the pages annoyed me. I was thinking to myself if i was indeed tht pathetic, stupid, little person writing all those bullcrap. Making the same mistakes over and over and over again and slinking into some kinda major melodramatic depressions over retards. Oh wells, what didn't kill u only makes u stronger. It's all ancient history now; Ancient history tht's shredded to pieces, and tht's all it's ever gonna be.

Well i supposed some things just never really changed. I realised my sleep-in-the-day-awake-at-night routine has been with me for a long long time, my handwriting's still pretty much the same, i still hate making decisions sometimes, and drawing flowers had been a norm since years back. No wonder the flowers i draw all look so pretty. I've had many years of training and experience!

Anyways, found these 2 quotes amidst my very nonsensical entries. I think it was lifted off some story book i was reading back then, and found it to be rather meaningful.

• Falling in love is like getting hit by a large truck and yet not being mortally wounded. Just sick to your stomach, high one minute, low the next. Starving hungry but unable to eat. Hot, cold, forever horny, full of hope and enthusiasm, with momentary depressions that wipe you out.
• Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what's happening. It's inevitable. An event you can't control. A crazy heart-stopping roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course.

The best love stories are often those tht "just happen" when u least expect it to, without any signs or warnings, like getting hit by a monster truck yet not knowing what happened, like getting pulled in all different directions. Finally u start plunging from somewhere very very high and take the very very scary fall.