Behind every face, there's a story...

So what's my story really? Is it a happy one or one tht's tragic? I often tell people tht i'm a good person. But am i really a good person or do i just wanna believe tht i truely am a good person? Life is full of ambiguity. I guess u can never really be just one thing. It's like how i always say.. I'm happy but i'm also sad or how i always smile but deep inside i'm actually infuriated at the person i'm smiling at.. Doesn't make much sense i know. And its kinda weird.. Like how when i'm actually outside with people, i actually feel as tho i'm really happy almost all the time.. But times like these, when i'm home, i'm stuck with this really really burdened heart. It's like there's this thing buried deep within my heart tht's been trying to get out.. But i can't seem to figure out what it is. It's frustrating and suffocating, and i feel it's sucking the lifeforce outta me.

I'm not a happy person. I try hard to be one.. But i don't think i am one. Maybe i was happy once.. Maybe i'm just jaded now.. Maybe i'm just making things complicated for myself.. Maybe maybe maybe.. There're so many maybes tht sometimes it makes people not know which way to turn. Guess this verse from one of Avril Lavigne's songs kinda sum up how i feel when i wake everyday.. "I wake up in the morning, Put on my face, The one that's gonna get me, Through another day, Doesn't really matter, How I feel inside, 'Cause life is like a game sometimes" Maybe they're really right when they say people who take psychology usually have some sorta unsolvable problems themselves. Maybe i take psychology to try to understand why i go thru these depressing craps from time to time. Maybe i thought of being a psychologist coz since i can't help myself become a happier person.. I might be able to help some other unfortunate souls with their problems so they might become happier people. It's really no fun being unhappy.

Midnight psycho babblings.. Tht's all this is.. Troubled girl trying to sort out her thoughts when the world is asleep. Not even sure if any of these make sense. Don't really care actually. Typed so much crap and i'm still feeling like poop! Darn! This is really getting serious and not going as planned. Just what the hell am i feeling poopy about.. I really wonder. Til the next poopy entry...............